Diva Foundation

Myths and Reality about the Domestic Violence

MYTH: Women, who have suffered violence, are a small part.
REALITY: The exact number of women suffered violence is hard to determine, because this phenomenon, as well as raping is rarely reported crimes. However, it turns out that 20% - 50% of all wives have been abused.

MYTH: Forced behavior is confined only in non-educated families from the lower social-economic circles.
REALITY: One can face forced behavior in all social circles. It has gained unexpectedly wide currency among police officers, doctors and men with helping professions.

MYTH: Wives beat their husbands too.
REALITY: Yes, this happens, but we should point out that the ratio of abused wives to tormented husbands is 10:1. The difference, however, is in the extent of violence: women sustain far more serious physical injuries as compared to men.

MYTH: Spouses always wage a struggle against each other. This is normal and is not that terrible.
REALITY: Usually, there are conflicts in each family, but there is a difference between an ordinary family and a family with violence. They differ from one another in the extent of intensity and brutality of violence. According to police information home, but not the street is the “kinder-garden of violence”. It turns out that 85% of the men in jail have grown up in families with violence. Violence in the family has to be eliminated in order to eradicate social violence.

MYTH: A slap does not hurt anyone.
REALITY: Domestic violence is characterized by different levels of frequency starting from the everyday violence and ending with acts of violence, happening once in a few years. Physical injuries such as bruises, different kinds of fractures, cauterization, cracked ear-drums, bashed lips, torn tuffs of hair, broken teeth, signs of attempted strangulation, torn nipples, etc., necessitate repeated woman’s hospitalization. Injuries can lead to a fatal end. The permanent physical torment is dangerous for the victim’s mental health – her self-respect, self-confidence and dignity are smashed.

MYTH: Women suffered violence are masochists and they like these circumstances. Otherwise they would not stay.
REALITY: There are a number of factors, preventing the woman from leaving – shame, economic dependence, insecurity for her children and even love to the partner-violator. Even if the woman leaves, there is no guarantee that the torment will stop. The violator often pursues his wife or girlfriend, as he goes on tormenting her.

MYTH: Women provoke men and they deserve to be beaten.
REALITY: Committing acts of violence cannot be foreseen and it doesn’t matter how the woman behaves or what she says – whether she is passive or aggressive. Even when somebody is in disagreement he does not deserve to be beaten.

MYTH: Men-violators are psychopaths.
REALITY: Violators often lead a “normal” life with the exception of the fact that they cannot control their aggressive outbursts.

MYTH: The violator does not love his partner.
REALITY: The violator does not always behave in a brutal manner all the time. Usually after outbursts of violence, he is often filled with remorse, promising that it will never happen again.

MYTH: Alcohol abuse is the reason for violence.
REALITY: Alcohol really reduces the control over the aggressive impulses, but it can also serve as an excuse for their letting out. 1/3 of the violators have problems with alcohol but they beat their girlfriends when they are sober, 1/3 of them do not drink at all and 1/3 – resort to violence only when drunk.

MYTH: Men’s despotic behavior is an answer to the feminist movement.
REALITY: The assault on wives existed even before the start of the feminist movements. Not until recently were passed laws protecting women from domestic violence, as a result of feminism.

MYTH: The best part of society does not accept domestic violence.
REALITY: A research, held among students showed that 60% of men and women think that “smacking” somebody’s wife is quite normal.

MYTH: The law protects the victims of domestic violence.
REALITY: According to the Bulgarian legislation only acts of domestic violence, which have led to severe physical trauma, carry a penalty.

MYTH: The violator can be arrested.
REALITY: Many police officers underestimate the danger in a certain situation and do not inform the victim about her rights. If the violator is put under arrest he is set free after a short time and then he can start beating her for he has been arrested because of her.

MYTH: Lodgings ruin families.
REALITY: To suppose that lodgings ruin forced marriages is just like supposing that hospitals cause traffic accidents. About 75% of women, who has been into a lodging for women suffered violence, go back to their partners, who have abused them. Women make their decisions on their own.

MYTH: Violators beat their children as well.
REALITY: Not always but children in 3 from 4 forced marriages are physically tormented. The future problem is that children-members of families with violence feel inclined to start a forced relation after becoming adults – 60% of the boys who have been witnesses of violence become violators and 50% of the girls become victims of domestic violence.

MYTH: Violators stop committing acts of violence after they marry.
REALITY: Violence quite often starts when the woman gets pregnant. Its frequency will increase if the man does not ask for professional aid.

MYTH: Once he resorts to violence, the man becomes a violator for life.
REALITY: No. There are programs for counseling men who have committed acts of violence, which help them in looking for ways to find a solution of the problems in a non-forcible way. It is important to know, however, that 9 from 10 violators do not think they should put an end to violence and that is why they will never try to ask for help.

MYTH: Once abused, the woman becomes a victim for life.
REALITY: The social understanding towards the state of women suffered violence and their children are increased. There are counseling programs, providing support and aid for women, a hot telephone helpline, providing crisis psychological aid, proper services, organizations and lodgings.