Domestic violence
Special Features of the Relations within the Family
Many women are interested to know if they could understand beforehand whether the man they are going to be bound to is able to put them to physical abuse.
JEALOUSY: Jealousy in a forced relation has nothing in common with love, it shows uncertainty and a desire for possession. The man asks her questions about whom she talks to, he accuses her of flirting or is jealous of the time she spends with her parents and friends. As jealousy intensifies, the violator may start calling her many times during the day or to appear unexpectedly. He may refuse to let his wife out for fear that she could meet another man or he may even check out the mileage-meter of her car and to ask his friends to chase her and to report what she has been doing.
IMPOSING CONTROL: At the beginning the man-violator claims that he behaves in such a manner because he is worried about his partner’s safety, he wants her to spend her time to the full or to make the correct decisions. He gets angry if the woman comes late after an appointment or if she has stopped in a shop for a longer time. He asks her detailed questions about where she has been, with whom and what she has been doing. This state may get worse and he may start to forbid her to make independent decisions about her home, her clothes, the people she meets with, the things she does. He may keep all the money and even force her to ask permission to go out.
ISOLATION: The violator tries to isolate the woman from her surrounding environment. He limits her contacts, lays down conditions, insults her as well as her relatives and friends. “If you love me, I am all you need”.
ACCUSATIONS: Very often the partner is guilty for everything that goes wrong. If there are some failures the violator never blames himself for what has happened.
The violator is quick to take offence. When he is too irritated he claims that his feelings have been hurt. He takes even the slightest disagreement as a personal offence. He flies into a rage, speaking fiercely about iniquities in life and he blames.
CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: These are people, who impose cruel punishments and are brutal to the weaker and powerless creatures – animals and children. They are insensitive to their pain and suffering.
FORCED SEX: The violator pays no attention to the woman’s wishes – whether she has the desire for having sex or the situation is terribly unpleasant for her. He gets angry if she shows resistance, trying to persuade her until she gives in. He hurts her as he behaves rudely during the sexual act, which can be provoked while the partner is sleeping or when she feels tired, indisposed.
OFFENCES: The man-violator says things that are cruel and painful and aim at humiliating the woman and disparaging her achievements. He calls her stupid claiming that she cannot cope on her own. This is often accompanied by night torment – he wakes her up, makes threats and ask her questions.
The violator looks upon the victim as a lower creature, unable to be a complete person unless she is bound in a deep relation.
THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Here we are talking about every threat of using physical force, aiming at subjecting and controlling the woman – “…I’ll kill you”; “…I’ll break your neck”; “…I’ll kill you if you don’t shut your mouth”. Most people do not threaten their partners, but the violator tries to explain his behavior with the words “All people talk like that”.
Breaking or hitting objects: The violator uses such manners in order to punish, but in most cases to torment and subject the woman. He bangs his fist on the table or throws objects near by the woman.
Children living at homes with domestic violence as well become its victims. They are often neglected and threatened. They are in danger. Violence is regarded as a normal way of coping with conflicts that have arisen and this model can be easily transferred to families, built by the already grown children.